The Agonies of Man
There are no handbooks for men growing up, save the absence of a good father.
I had none present, that is, he took no interest in sheparding me around, you know...the " talks," fishing, hunting, baseball, stuff.
My mother nagged him like hell, ' take him out, act like a father, he hangs around me all the time, he's YOUR son, treat him like one.."
You can imagine. It was tough for the old man, being a shithead took a lot of practice, lots of booze, belt, fists, and time on the floor, trying to avoid the hits until I got as tall as he was. Then mom proposed " a Solution."
"I know," she said. "Now that you're both as tall as each other, no more hitting." Thanks mom. Since it was me on the receiving end.
Anywho, the fatherly advice most fathers give sons wasn't around for me, so I had to scrounge around for examples. It was an on-going search: my first was John Wayne. Liked him right away. As strange as life is, I saw him in 'Tall in the Saddle' when I was 10, then 20 years later, I would meet him at the same theatre when he opened Hatari in Philadelphia, he and Red Skelton, and a couple of beautiful actresses. His huge befy hand wrapped twice around mine, it seemed. His voice boomed out from under his shirt. I remember looking up into his face (I stand 6 feet 2 inchest) and thinking that I knew every wrinkle, smile line and glint - like I knew him as much as I knew my own mother's face.
What a strange reaction.
I saw every picture he ever made - all of them. A lot of who he was, what he said, how he felt about things became a good source of what a man was, to me.
More about that later.
As I grew older, Ecclesiastes, the whole book in the Bible, became a source of rich knowledge on manhood. It was the guidebook for me on how, when and why to do the right thing...."the right thing," always kicked around these days. But, for me, it was defined in the King James version, the voice of God thundering from above.
The Emperor's Handbook originally written by Marcus Aurelius oftquoted today in many places, and misunderstood, sits on my library shelf. I read it. As I grow older, I shovel deeply into these treasures and find underlining page after page of nuggets, then re-read the books again. Such is Marcus Aurelius.
There is a picture of me taken half my life ago in the center of Rome under the statue of Marcus, sitting on his horse. It is situated in the exact center of Rome. "All roads lead to Rome," as the saying goes, and under the feet of the statue, so does all the roads of Rome, all laying in semi-circles, all leading up to my feet, and those in the statue above me, the emperor Marcus Aurelius.
The Agonies of Man - to be dropped into our world today without guidance, support to be unprepared for life. To have no help, no "Rabbi" to counsel with, it is indeed an agony. These are the tools I have tried to use to buttress up what I needed to make it through, to leave whatever I can behind of some value.
Paso Por Aqui.
###
I had none present, that is, he took no interest in sheparding me around, you know...the " talks," fishing, hunting, baseball, stuff.
My mother nagged him like hell, ' take him out, act like a father, he hangs around me all the time, he's YOUR son, treat him like one.."
You can imagine. It was tough for the old man, being a shithead took a lot of practice, lots of booze, belt, fists, and time on the floor, trying to avoid the hits until I got as tall as he was. Then mom proposed " a Solution."
"I know," she said. "Now that you're both as tall as each other, no more hitting." Thanks mom. Since it was me on the receiving end.
Anywho, the fatherly advice most fathers give sons wasn't around for me, so I had to scrounge around for examples. It was an on-going search: my first was John Wayne. Liked him right away. As strange as life is, I saw him in 'Tall in the Saddle' when I was 10, then 20 years later, I would meet him at the same theatre when he opened Hatari in Philadelphia, he and Red Skelton, and a couple of beautiful actresses. His huge befy hand wrapped twice around mine, it seemed. His voice boomed out from under his shirt. I remember looking up into his face (I stand 6 feet 2 inchest) and thinking that I knew every wrinkle, smile line and glint - like I knew him as much as I knew my own mother's face.
What a strange reaction.
I saw every picture he ever made - all of them. A lot of who he was, what he said, how he felt about things became a good source of what a man was, to me.
More about that later.
As I grew older, Ecclesiastes, the whole book in the Bible, became a source of rich knowledge on manhood. It was the guidebook for me on how, when and why to do the right thing...."the right thing," always kicked around these days. But, for me, it was defined in the King James version, the voice of God thundering from above.
The Emperor's Handbook originally written by Marcus Aurelius oftquoted today in many places, and misunderstood, sits on my library shelf. I read it. As I grow older, I shovel deeply into these treasures and find underlining page after page of nuggets, then re-read the books again. Such is Marcus Aurelius.
There is a picture of me taken half my life ago in the center of Rome under the statue of Marcus, sitting on his horse. It is situated in the exact center of Rome. "All roads lead to Rome," as the saying goes, and under the feet of the statue, so does all the roads of Rome, all laying in semi-circles, all leading up to my feet, and those in the statue above me, the emperor Marcus Aurelius.
The Agonies of Man - to be dropped into our world today without guidance, support to be unprepared for life. To have no help, no "Rabbi" to counsel with, it is indeed an agony. These are the tools I have tried to use to buttress up what I needed to make it through, to leave whatever I can behind of some value.
Paso Por Aqui.
###
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