Regrets - Looking Back
There is a line in the Kevin Costner movie about baseball and his father where Burt Lancaster plays an old doctor who wanted to be a major league ball player and never got the chance. He sits at his doctors d3esk and explains to Costner abouthow close he came, the ball zipping by his bat, the pitch so close, he swung, missed, was tagged out. The coach told him he could play again some time,
Some time, he thought, some time - soon.
Lancaster mused, "you come so close to your dreams, and they fade away-and you never see them again, you never ever get close to them. They're gone forever, " he said. " And, that's the way it is."
That IS the way it is. You never know about the moments you have when you're in them, and then, like a flash, they are pulled out from under you, like a dream, never to be repeated again. Like a dream, to be repeated in your head, over and over again, as they reality shrinks in your rear view mirror - forever.
"The Journey, " is nothing more than flash cards in your memory. Thomas Wolfe was right all along, you can't "Go Home Again," it's all in your mind - better in your mind, actually. Going back, trying to recature iot only ruins it. My flash cards? The airplane is always faster, more flashy, I flew longer, higher, the clouds more beautiful, more stick time. The girl more beautiful, willing, happy a lot of free time.
I remember the night sky over Lisbon, wind blowing in, the subtle red/orange lights over the horizon and mandolins playing. Water lapping at our feet, rich red wine, sand in the toes. And the summer nights on the Florida beaches cold westerly winds, salty air, couples making love on the dark beaches with wine bottles everywhere. lissfully ignorant of their company surrounding them.
Flashcards, the Rockys on I -70 westbound in winter, singing "The Hills are Alive" in the Toyota Station wagon, as we watched all the "Muscle trucks" stuck behind us in the snow. Ice skaters on Evergreen Lake at Nine Thousand feet in January, Elk herds blacking the roads, shariing the road with the cars. Women drivers waving them through like they could understand our traffic patterns.
Cute.
The first girl I ever kissed, sixteen year old church girl - severly unattractive. Oh well. Start someplace. Young men and their hormones, and I had a serious outbreak myownself. I solved the mystery of nature/nurture. Both are in play. My father had seen more female round pink bottoms than most toilet seats I dare estimate and should that be a family trait, I guess I caught the bug, I did too, I plead guilty.
Driven as I was - a list of my mistakes would take forever to discuss.
I saw a movie once where a patient in a psychiatrist office was asked how many serious errors have you made in your life? Patient looks at his watch and says to the shrink, " How much time do I have.?
###
Some time, he thought, some time - soon.
Lancaster mused, "you come so close to your dreams, and they fade away-and you never see them again, you never ever get close to them. They're gone forever, " he said. " And, that's the way it is."
That IS the way it is. You never know about the moments you have when you're in them, and then, like a flash, they are pulled out from under you, like a dream, never to be repeated again. Like a dream, to be repeated in your head, over and over again, as they reality shrinks in your rear view mirror - forever.
"The Journey, " is nothing more than flash cards in your memory. Thomas Wolfe was right all along, you can't "Go Home Again," it's all in your mind - better in your mind, actually. Going back, trying to recature iot only ruins it. My flash cards? The airplane is always faster, more flashy, I flew longer, higher, the clouds more beautiful, more stick time. The girl more beautiful, willing, happy a lot of free time.
I remember the night sky over Lisbon, wind blowing in, the subtle red/orange lights over the horizon and mandolins playing. Water lapping at our feet, rich red wine, sand in the toes. And the summer nights on the Florida beaches cold westerly winds, salty air, couples making love on the dark beaches with wine bottles everywhere. lissfully ignorant of their company surrounding them.
Flashcards, the Rockys on I -70 westbound in winter, singing "The Hills are Alive" in the Toyota Station wagon, as we watched all the "Muscle trucks" stuck behind us in the snow. Ice skaters on Evergreen Lake at Nine Thousand feet in January, Elk herds blacking the roads, shariing the road with the cars. Women drivers waving them through like they could understand our traffic patterns.
Cute.
The first girl I ever kissed, sixteen year old church girl - severly unattractive. Oh well. Start someplace. Young men and their hormones, and I had a serious outbreak myownself. I solved the mystery of nature/nurture. Both are in play. My father had seen more female round pink bottoms than most toilet seats I dare estimate and should that be a family trait, I guess I caught the bug, I did too, I plead guilty.
Driven as I was - a list of my mistakes would take forever to discuss.
I saw a movie once where a patient in a psychiatrist office was asked how many serious errors have you made in your life? Patient looks at his watch and says to the shrink, " How much time do I have.?
###
Comments
Post a Comment